Expectant parents already face a whirlwind of emotions: anticipating the joy of new life, anxiety about caring for a new baby, and excitement for those important, first milestones.
COVID-19 has added additional stressors for mothers facing an unplanned pregnancy—they feel even more isolated as they navigate the difficult decision to parent or make an adoption plan. In many cases, it’s making a deeply emotional and personal process feel more clinical.
Despite the barriers of shelter-in-place regulations and changing hospital policies, pregnancy counselors behind the front lines are responding to the changes and continuing to support expectant parents.
Kristen Schlee, a pregnancy counselor who has been with Bethany for five years, joins the podcast to share her perspective.
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What did your work in pregnancy counseling look like before the COVID-19 pandemic?
In pregnancy counseling, we often serve women and men whose worlds are already turned upside down by an unexpected pregnancy. Many of our clients are financially unstable or fear they’re incapable of providing the life they desire for their baby.
At Bethany, we provide free counseling for parents to explore their options. When parents choose to raise their child themselves, we connect them with local organizations who can ensure they receive prenatal care and proper insurance.
For those who decide to make an adoption plan, we walk alongside them every step: helping them decide their level of openness, helping them choose a family for their child, and even providing support groups and grief counseling afterward.
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In the best of circumstances, how do your clients describe the experience of making an adoption plan?
It’s the hardest decision they’ve ever made. Our clients repeatedly express that the day they sign the paperwork giving their child over to the adoptive family is the most difficult day of their lives. It’s an emotional and heartbreaking decision.
That’s why I can’t stress enough how courageous, loving, and strong birth moms are. They in no way are lazy or selfish. Rather, they love their kids so much that they choose to make an incredible sacrifice out of desperate love to ensure their child grows up in a safe, loving home.
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How has COVID-19 changed your work and relationships with expectant parents?
Thankfully, pregnancy counselors are used to flexibility and change so, in some cases, we’ve been well-equipped for this crisis. However, we’ve absolutely become more creative and strategic about how we meet with expectant moms. We offer virtual calls with women who want to connect face-to-face.
But the inability to offer physical consolation during this emotional process is challenging. We strive to be even more intentional about our body language, focusing on smiling with our eyes while wearing masks and taking extra time to show that we care through the words we say.
The last thing we want is for this experience to feel clinical or sterile because many of the clients we serve already lack natural support in their daily lives.
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We know that many hospitals have placed restrictions on guests. But you’re more than a guest; your work is essential. How have pregnancy counselors like you navigated these restrictions?
The hospitals here in Virginia have varying regulations. Some have allowed us to continue visiting, often acting as the mom’s support person during labor and delivery.
However, in many cases, we’re not allowed in—nor are the adoptive families. One amazing adoptive family booked a hotel room next door with a view of the hospital. Each morning they would look out their window and wish the baby a good morning.
In another case, a wonderful labor and delivery nurse gave her personal phone to the mom so she could FaceTime me and let me virtually support her.
We’re always prepared to serve our clients’ needs in whatever creative way necessary.
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How has COVID-19 affected your relationships with birth moms after delivery?
It has been difficult. I have one client who doesn’t have a phone, so I haven’t been able to connect with her at all since she signed the adoption papers. Knowing how tough these days immediately after placement are, I’m concerned for her and keep praying I’ll be able to reach her.
Another client has called or texted me almost every day since she left the hospital, telling me that our conversations give her peace and a sense of connection to her child. I feel honored to know she wants to maintain a relationship both with Bethany and her baby.
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Pray for the moms who already felt alone and in crisis before the coronavirus struck. Help reduce the negative stereotype surrounding birth parents by sharing stories from Bethany. And, if you’re able, donate to support Bethany’s Life Impact fund that supports women in crisis.
