How Grief and Joy Exist Equally in Foster Care and Adoption

Can you experience both joy and grief as a foster or adoptive parent? Absolutely.

When God places a calling on your heart to foster or adopt, there’s a lot of relief and excitement when that desire is fulfilled. However, welcoming a child into your home in this way comes with a lot of grief as well, because it was never supposed to be this way.

A child being separated from their mother or father was never part of God’s initial plan. Even the need for Bethany Christian Services, foster care, adoption, and Safe Families for Children are the heavy consequences of a broken world.

When a child is removed from their home, it usually happens without any warning. Authorities and caseworkers arrive typically unannounced at the front door and that child (or children) has about ten minutes to pack everything they can in a bag or backpack before leaving their home, parents, and everything they know behind.

They don’t know where they’re going, or how long they’ll be gone. They’re not promised that they’ll return, and for siblings, there’s no guarantee they will stay together. This is the reality children in foster care come from, and the reasons they enter-- even the kindest stranger’s foster home-- with grief, anxiety, caution, and even anger.

One way to look at foster care is two strangers coming together under one of the stranger’s roofs. The difference is, however, that one of those strangers has been eagerly waiting for that phone call and arrival while the other has not.

It’s important, especially for new foster parents to understand that while they may feel the joy of gaining a new permanent or temporary family member, that child entering their home may not see this as something gained, but rather a reminder of everything they have lost.

Research shows that unless absolutely critical, the best place for a child to be is with their parents. This is why the goal of foster care is always reunification because no matter the circumstances, most children just want their parents.

There’s a lot of grief when a child can’t be given that, not only for them but for their parents as well. Foster care isn’t just a sign of what a child lost; It’s also a sign of what a parent lost—their most prized possession.

Similarly for adoption, while it’s beautiful, it is also an example of a broken world in need of Jesus. Adoption exists because for one reason or another, a child can never grow up with the parents whose DNA God used to create them.

A child was never meant to be separated from their parents, and the wide variety of reasons as to why they are is also what causes us to grieve.

But, as long as we have Jesus, we have hope.

At Bethany, we believe foster care and adoption can be seen as equal reasons for grief and joy. While they were designed because of the consequences of a broken world, they are also evidence of the kingdom of heaven. God placing the desire to foster or adopt in select people’s hearts are a part of his redemptive plan, and for that we can celebrate.

God cares for the vulnerable children who are left without the protection and care of their parents. While we wait for him to fully restore his earth and make all things new, we can thank him for gifts like foster care and adoption and how they can bring so much redemption to a child’s story that’s filled with grief.

As followers of Christ, we can grieve for the children whose parent’s circumstances need compassion, but we can also have joy and grateful hearts that God has raised up people to build his kingdom in a broken world and be a part of his redemptive plan through foster care and adoption.