Preparing for a birth father search

Many adoptees are naturally curious about their birth parents. It’s part of knowing where they came from.

Most adoptees initiate a search to find their birth mother, leaving birth father searches in second. Perhaps this is due to a perception that birth mothers have a greater “investment” in a reunion since they carried their child, gave birth, and ultimately decided to place their child for adoption. However, there are strong reasons to want to identify your birth father, as well.

But it’s important to be in an emotionally secure place before beginning this search. While a birth parent may be able to answer some of your key questions, they cannot “fill a hole” in your heart. Sadly, there’s no guarantee that this person will even welcome your contact.

The following pieces of advice may be helpful for you if you’re beginning to search for your birth father.

• Adoption records sometimes contain very little information about birth fathers. Most information is given from the birth mother’s point of view. She may have had a reason at the time for sharing incomplete information.
• Not all birth fathers are allowed input into the adoption plan. While it’s easy to assume that it was his choice to stay out of your adoption plan, be cautious. Many birth fathers feel they had no say or support in making the adoption plan.
• While he might not have wanted a part in making your adoption plan originally, he may feel differently at another stage in his life. For example, a birth father who goes on to parent children may change his mind and welcome your contact.
• Like a reunion with a birth mother, reuniting with your birth father can provide its own window into your sense of identity, possibly providing feelings of closure.

Bethany’s Post-Adoption Contact Center can help you begin your birth father search. Call us at 1-800-Bethany. Please be aware that individual state or country law determines who may request information and at what age.