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Are You Ready to Adopt?
Some of you reading these lines may be in the middle of infertility treatment - perhaps debating whether to begin IVF (in-vitro fertilization) or continue on Clomid - and you are not ready right now to think about adoption. We understand! Others may have decided to remain a family of two - at least for now. We understand that also. A friend of ours, who recently experienced a miscarriage after infertility, told us that she would not consider adoption. "Being pregnant was such a special feeling." she said. "I just couldn't go any other way to have a baby." In time, God may lead her to think differently, but for now, adoption is not an option for her.
There are, in fact, a variety of reasons that lead couples to believe that adoption is not for them. Couples who experience long-term infertility can sometimes experience tremendous pressure from family, friends, and even church leaders to "just adopt." To adopt out of desperation or merely in response to outside pressure is unfair to both the adopted child and the adoptive couple.
However, we are confident that God does lead many infertile couples to consider adoption. Perhaps you are among them. Perhaps you have begun asking: "What about adoption? Could it be for us? How do we know?"
Adoption Readiness Checklist
Please answer yes or no to the items that apply to you.
- Are you losing energy to pursue further doctor's appointments and treatments?
- In many ways, would it be a relief to stop trying to conceive?
- Have you tried every medical option with which you feel comfortable, yet experienced no success?
- Is having a child more important than how the child becomes part of your family?
- Are you willing to make yourself vulnerable to someone else's judgement?
- Have you grieved the loss of the child you had hoped to conceive? - This question is vitally important. Before being fully ready to adopt, couples need to face some of the potential losses involved in infertility and consciously grieve those losses together. At Stepping Stones, we feel that it is important for a couple to reflect on their potential losses and pray about them together, or they may not be psychologically and spiritually prepared to move forward toward adoption. The sense of loss can come in many shapes and forms:
- The loss of excitement and joy associated with a confirmed pregnancy
- The loss of physically experiencing a pregnancy
- The loss of giving birth
- The loss of breast feeding
- The loss of having a daughter, who "looks just like mom" (or a son who is a "spitting image of dad")
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- Do you find yourself spending more and more time thinking about and talking about adoption possibilities?
- Do you and your spouse both feel that adoption is a positive option?
- Can you look over the following list of wrong reasons to adopt and conclude that these are not the reasons you want to adopt?
- We will be doing the poor child a favor
- Our other children will have a playmate
- We have been through a difficult infertility experience and we deserve a baby
- Raising a baby will help our marriage
- Having a baby to love will make me feel completed and loved
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If you answered "no" to very many of the above statements, that is okay! We are firmly convinced that adoption is a calling from God. Some infertile couples are called to be adoptive parents, and others are not (or at least, not yet).
On the other hand, if you answered "yes" to most of the boxes, we encourage you to consider the adventure of a lifetime. Your child is waiting!
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