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To My Dear Daughter,
With the holidays approaching again, I know this is a difficult time of year for you and David. Christmas is such a family-centered holiday, so focused around children, that I am sure your empty arms ache once again. Though you are delighted to have a niece and a nephew (as we are delighted to be grandparents), still it must be very hard to watch the fulfillment your brother and sister-in-law are experiencing as they delight in their son and daughter.
Moms are supposed to be able to make the hurts go away for their kids. As your mother, I would do anything I could to alleviate your pain in this regard. But this is one time when all I can do is pray. Ever since you were a little girl, I dreamed of the time when you would have kids. I have a lot of trouble understanding God's purpose in withholding this blessing from you (and from me). It is very painful to even share these things with you because I don't want to increase your feelings of sadness or inadequacy. Still, maybe it helps for you to know that I do weep with you and share the deep disappointment of your infertility.
One thing God has been teaching me through all of this is that there is a purpose to suffering. The foremost longing of our hearts should always be about knowing God and trusting Him. It's easy when things are going well to believe that God is good and His purposes are being fulfilled. It's not so easy to continue to believe that when life is difficult and things do not go the way we had hoped they would go.
Knowing that God is working all things together for good to those of us who are called to be His is also followed by the fact that we are "predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son" (Romans 8:28, 29). You are so right when you remind me that Jesus did suffer on our behalf far more than we will ever suffer. If we are to become like Him, suffering is often the means by which we are refined. God has, indeed, "blessed us with every spiritual blessing . . . in Christ" (Ephesians 1:3). But it is also important that we learn to "count it all joy," (James 1:2) when we face the trials of this life because we have the confidence that God is doing His perfect work so that we may be "complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:5).
Of course, thinking about all this leads me to think about adoption as an alternate way of your starting a family. It seems like some folks in the Christian community see this as a second-best way of becoming parents but I don't believe this is at all true. Didn't God adopt us into his family (Ephesians 1:5)? He took us who were "children of wrath" (Ephesians 2:3) and made us "children of light" (Ephesians 5:8). The eleventh chapter of Romans talks about us being grafted into the vine. There are so many biblical metaphors that show how God has brought us into His family-none of this having to do with biology. Sometimes I think people in the church have it all wrong. Adopting a child who needs a home can be a wonderful way to fulfill the longing of your hearts, and can be a constant reminder of how God has treated each of us.
In closing I just want to say how proud (in a good sense) I am to be your mom. Your godliness and gentleness are a source of encouragement to me. I am exceedingly thankful for the times we can talk together about the promises of Scripture and the goodness of the Lord. I am glad God has blessed you with a godly husband, and pleased that together you have established a home where He is honored. I want you to know that whether or not God blesses you with children (either biologically or through adoption), you will always be dear to my heart. Though I may be disappointed at times with the path God has asked you to walk, I am not and never will be disappointed with you. I count it a privilege that we are partners together in "the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints" (Jude 3).
I love you very much,
Mom
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