The Power of Words
The POWER of Words
Our Words reflect our values. They wound or heal, alienate or educate.
The words we use reveal as much about us and our values as they do about the situations that we are trying to describe. Our views, experiences, biases, and assumptions are intrinsically woven into the words we use to communicate every day.
The language of adoption is full of expressions we have “always heard” and all too often use. These expressions shape the perceptions of both the people who use them and the people who hear them. They convey our values and biases, and they can encourage or hinder communication.
The importance of being aware of the values that our words convey is not confined to the language of adoption. It can be as simple as deciding whether to use the word “problem” or “challenge” when it comes to describing a child’s behavior. A disagreement can be described as a difference of opinion or an argument. The subtle nuances between the words we choose and those we do not can elicit profoundly different responses from the listener because the listener hears through the filter of his or her own experience and emotion.
So it is with adoption. A simple choice of words can reveal our views and communicate a great deal to a listener. We encourage social workers, adoptive parents, birthparents, board members, volunteers, and supporters to use language that accurately reflects the reality of adoption. The following list is not exhaustive, but it reflects some of the more common words that we encounter as we minister to birth and adoptive parents in Jesus’ name.
| Rather than... | We suggest... |
| real parent(s) | birthparent(s), birthmother(s), birthfather(s)
|
natural parent(s)
| biological parent(s) |
unwed mother
| single parent |
real child
| birthchild |
Illegitimate child
| child of unmarried parents |
Put up for adoption
| Make an adoption plan |
Give up for adoption
| Choose adoption |
Is adopted
| Was adopted |
Keep a child
| Parent a child |
Hard to place child
| Child with special placement needs |
to keep a child
| to parent a child |
Unwanted pregnancy
| Unplanned, unintended, or untimely pregnancy
|
Find parents
| Search for birthparents
|
| Foreign adoption | International adoption |