The Hug
Tiffany, a birthparent I was counseling, and her twin brother were adopted. Some birthparents fear that no one else could love their biological child as much as they do. However, Tiffany knows better and is aware of the love that she has toward her adoptive parents and the love they have for her and her brother.
Although choosing adoption is still painful, knowing this has made her decision more peaceful. Tiffany is a very emotionally strong, yet sensitive person and enjoys giving cards to people she cares about.
During a meeting with Tiffany, she told me she was having a difficult time finding a card for the adoptive parents of her baby. We discussed what type of card Tiffany would feel comfortable giving them.
She had already looked at cards at several shops and decided that a “Congratulations” card seemed awkward and was not exactly what she wanted to say to them. I suggested finding a specialty card shop or maybe she would need to find a card that was blank inside so she could write her own special words and thoughts to give the adoptive family.
About a week later, Tiffany called me. She said that she did find a little card shop. She described the man at the counter as an “older man” and stated that she did not ask him for help right away. She assumed he would probably not understand or know where the card she was seeking might be, and she did not want to disturb him.
After nearly a half hour of reading numerous cards and not finding anything close to what she was looking for, she
finally walked up to the clerk. With her hands caressing her round stomach, she explained that she was planning
on placing her child for adoption and was hoping to find a card to give to the adoptive parents.
The clerk promptly directed her to an area that had cards specifically for new adoptive moms and dads. After reading several cards, Tiffany again became somewhat frustrated and did not feel the message in the cards was appropriate for her situation, so she went to the section that had blank cards.
Tiffany was surprised when the clerk returned to her wearing a gentle grin. She told him that she still did not find
an appropriate card, so she would buy a blank card and write her own message. He continued to smile and thanked her; not for buying a card in the store, but for choosing adoption.
He told her she was doing a wonderful thing by placing her child for adoption. He gave her a hug and told her what a precious gift she was giving and how honorable adoption is. He then shared that he had been adopted and
that he had a wonderful life with great, loving parents.
Tiffany did not ask him, but she assumed from his age that he never had a chance to meet his birthmother. And more important, he never had a chance to thank his birthmother for her decision to choose adoption. Maybe to him, in that hug, he was also thanking his birthmother. For Tiffany, this was a sign that she made the right choice for her and her baby.
To share your experience with making an adoption plan, visit Bethany’s online forum at birthparents.bethany.org.