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Are You Ready to Adopt?
by John and Sylvia Van Regenmorter
INTRODUCTION:
Some of you reading these lines may be in the middle of infertility treatment and are not ready right now to think about adoption. We understand! Others may have decided to remain a family of two–at least for now. We understand that also. A friend of ours, who recently experienced a miscarriage after infertility, told us that she would not consider adoption. “Being pregnant was such a special feeling,” she said, “I just couldn’t go any other way to have a baby.” In time, God may lead her to think differently, but for now, adoption is not an option for her.
There are, in fact, a variety of reasons that lead couples to believe that adoption is not for them. Couples who experience long-term infertility can sometimes experience tremendous pressure from family, friends, and even church leaders to “just adopt.” To adopt out of desperation or merely in response to outside pressure is unfair to both the adopted child and the adoptive couple.
However, we are confident that God does lead many infertile couples to consider adoption. Perhaps you are among them. Perhaps you have begun asking: “What about adoption? Could it be for us? How do we know?”
The checklist below may help you to know whether you are ready to begin the adventure of adoption.
ADOPTION READINESS CHECKLIST: WHICH ITEMS APPLY TO YOU?
Are you losing energy to pursue further doctor’s appointments and treatments?
In many ways, would it be a relief to stop trying to conceive?
Have you tried every medical option with which you feel comfortable, yet have experienced no success?
Is having a child more important than how the child becomes part of your family?
Are you willing to make yourself vulnerable to someone else’s judgment?
Have you grieved the loss of the child you had hoped to conceive?
This question is vitally important. Before being fully ready to adopt, couples need to face some of the potential losses involved in infertility and consciously grieve those losses together. The sense of loss can come in many shapes and forms:
1. The loss of excitement and joy associated with a confirmed pregnancy
2. The loss of physically experiencing a pregnancy
3. The loss of giving birth
4. The loss of breastfeeding
5. The loss of having a daughter who “looks just like Mom” (or of a son who is a “spitting image of Dad”)
At Stepping Stones, we feel that it is important for a couple to reflect on their potential losses and pray about them together, or they may not be psychologically and spiritually prepared to move toward adoption.
Do you find yourself spending more and more time thinking about and talking about adoption possibilities?
Do you and your spouse both feel that adoption is a positive option?
Can you look over the following list of wrong reasons to adopt and conclude that these are not the reasons you want to adopt?
1. We will be doing the poor child a favor.
2. Our other child(ren) will have a playmate.
3. We have been through a difficult infertility experience and we deserve a baby.
4. Raising a baby will help our marriage.
5. Having a baby to love will make me feel completed and loved.
Conclusion:
If not many of these apply to you, that is okay! We are firmly convinced that adoption is a calling from God. Some infertile couples are called to be adoptive parents, and others are not (at least, not yet).
On the other hand, if many of them do apply, we encourage you to consider the adventure of a lifetime. Your child is waiting!
Bethany Christian Services
Bethany Christian Services is the nation’s largest Christian adoption agency. Bethany offers a wide range of adoption options, including domestic infant adoption, intercountry adoption, older child adoption, the adoption of children with special needs, and embryo adoption.
The time and expense required to adopt varies significantly, depending on the type of adoption being considered. Typically, the adoption of a child in foster care or the adoption of a child with special needs involves little or no expense to the adopting family.
Because children thrive in safe, loving, and strong families, Bethany is committed to finding the best families for children in need around the world. With more than 75 locations nationwide and international ministries in more than a dozen countries, Bethany touches the lives of thousands of families each year with the blessing of adoption.
For more information about Bethany’s adoption services, click here.
Embryo Adoption: A Wonderful Option
There are thousands of couples who have everything going for them–happy marriages, successful careers, and wonderful homes–but they are suffering through the anguish of infertility. Such couples may have tried for years to conceive and give birth to a baby, but nothing has worked. If you are such a couple, embryo adoption may be a wonderful option for you!
What is Embryo Adoption?
Through the use of in vitro fertilization (IVF), many couples have been blessed with the joy of giving birth to a child. Along with that joy, there is sometimes a dilemma–extra frozen embryos that the couple no longer intends to use.
That’s where embryo donation and adoption comes in. In order to give their precious embryos the best chance of living a full life, couples with extra embryos are often willing to donate them to couples suffering from infertility. By means of an informed consent agreement (or contract), the donors transfer full responsibility for the embryos to the adopting couple.
A trained physician will thaw a select number of the embryos and transfer them to the womb of the intended mother. Hopefully, this will result in a successful pregnancy and healthy birth. Any child born in this manner becomes the legal son or daughter of the adopting couple who gives birth to them!
Embryo Adoption Services
Bethany Christian Services, a Christian adoption and family services agency with more than 75 offices in the United States, offers a full range of embryo adoption and embryo donation services. Embryo adoption services include education and counseling related to the embryo adoption, Home Studies, facilitation of the medical transfer of the embryos to the adopting couple, assistance with openness choice, post-transfer support, and post-birth visits.
For more information about Bethany’s Embryo Services, click here.
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